Pika Going on Chu
by HermioneMew
Summary: Believe it or not, this IS a Harry Potter fic, and based mostly on Draco. READ!
1. Pink Boxers

Pika Going on Chu It was the last week of the fifth year for Harry-tachi (Harry Potter and Friends). However, that didn't mean a certain Draco Malfoy wasn't making them miserable. He poured Vanishing-invisible-whatever-has-no-name-gee-I-like-this-hyphen-thingy-stuff all over their books, wiping them blank. Even worse, he had told Professor Snape that they were the ones who did it. "I hope he turns into a frog over the summer," said Ron, smiling wickedly. "Forget frogs." "How 'bout a snail?" "Nah. A penguin!" "I still want him to be a frog." Well, the three friends had no idea what exactly would happen to their rival-and them. June-August Draco hopped off the Muggle car that always took him home and ran up to his father. They Apparated back to Malfoy Manor and Draco, as he tried every summer in most of these corny fanfics, decided to go count the locked doors on the Forbidden First Floor-and unlock them. First stop was his great x17 grandma's room, Madam Leah Malfoy. She had always excelled in Charms and was a shame to the family, as she was in stinkin' RAVENCLAW, and not SLYTHERIN. Naturally, this room was very interesting. "Hmm," said Draco to himself, opening up a tome labeled The Big Fat Really Boring Book of Almost Edible Charms Because They're So Cheesy. "What kind of idiot would want to perform the Pika Charm? What's a Pika, anyway?" The Pika Charm went like this. 

Uh, to do this charm, (why do you always start that way in these books?) you yell "Pi pika pi pika pi pika pi chu pi" at the top of your voice in a quiet room so you won't be mistaken for a sick heron. 

"HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!" Draco was rolling on the floor. He hadn't laughed so much since his fourth year, when he'd stripped Ron Weasley of everything he was wearing except for his flourescent pink boxers. "What kind of charm is 'pi pika pi pika pi pika pi chu pi'?" Poor Draco. Sadly, he didn't notice the fine print: 

The charm only works without a wand. 

Poor Draco again. He got up on all fours and had the strange urge to go downstairs, kick the house-elves aside, and eat every apple there was in the refrigerator. Yummy. He perked up his ears and padded downstairs, wondering where his father got that pretty green carpet and the pretty green wallpaper and the pretty green smokescreen and the pretty green windows... Draco munched on an apple, holding it between his front paws and pausing every now and then to sniff the air. It smelled weird. Maybe his father was doing something stinky. On the way downstairs, Draco noticed that everything looked bigger. Maybe he shrunk. That gave him an idea. Sneak up on his father and scare him out of his wits! Smiling, he padded back upstairs and walked through the slightly-open door to his father's study. Actually, all he was doing was writing. Nothing stinky. "Father?" asked Draco. He wondered if he was sick. His voice came out very squeaky and small. "Yeah?" answered Mr. Malfoy, not paying attention to the fact that his son had just sprouted yellow fur and had electric sockets in his cheeks. "Are you sick? You look a little green." "No, I'm not, and if you think I turned green, maybe you need glasses." Now a little puzzled, Draco padded over to the door and reached up to close it on his way out. But he stopped. "HEY! Since when did the doorknob get three feet higher?" Lucius Malfoy turned right around to look at Draco, who was staring balefully up at the knob, his precious little furry yellow ears flattened. "HAHAHA! Uh, Draco?" Draco turned around, hoping for an explanation. "You've been up in your great x17 grandma's room, haven't you?" Draco nodded and bit his lip. OW! Since when did he have fangs? Uh-oh. Something was seriously wrong here. "HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!" Mr. Malfoy was now rolling on the floor, a very unbecoming thing for him to do. After almost five minutes, he sat up and wiped an eye. "Hahaha...you look awfully funny as a Pikachu." "Cha..." said Draco, looking back up at the doorknob. Weeks later, summer was no better. Draco spent most of his time asleep, and his father broke out laughing every time he clapped eyes on him. To make things worse, if that was possible, the servants thought it very funny to refer to a Pikachu as "Master Malfoy". Draco wished he could hurt them. BAD. And one day, he shut his eyes and imagined himself blowing up like Mt. Krakatoa and all the servants hitting the roof-literally. Suddenly, he felt a slight pinprick on each cheek. Then a tingling feeling, and then- "CHUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU!" he suddenly screamed, as two twin bolts of lightning shot out of his-uh, fur-and all the maids and butlers suddenly flew up and landed on the carpet, all sizzling and well-done. One of them got up, shook the ashes off his clothes, and clambered up the stairs to Mr. Malfoy's study. Draco furrowed his brow, and did what anime people call 'facefaulting'-frowning so deeply that half of your face disappears. "Mr. Malfoy..." "Yes?" "Your son Thunderbolted us." "HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA" 

September Draco was still a Pikachu. His father thought that the ultimate punishment was being laughed at by everyone around him, so he did not keep him home from school or anything. He folded his tiny yellow arms and thought about the story his father told him after he finished laughing that day in June. 

"Lucius," said a frigid voice, "what are you doing?" A fifteen-year-old Lucius Malfoy turned around and stared into the steely eyes of his father. "Pi..." he whimpered, backing up and wondering why his father's skin was green. "Pi...ka..." 

"Aw, lookit duh wittle pika," said a honeyed voice that Draco knew all too well. "Chu. Go away, Weasley," he said shortly. "Who is it?" asked Harry, coming up next to Ron. "Me, that's who," growled Draco, somewhat proud of himself. It came out a real growl. "OOH! I'm so scared," said Ron, pretending to faint. "CHUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU!" Ron fainted for real. Draco giggled, and it came out, "Piiiiiiiiiiiiii...pikachapikacha." He slammed a hand over his mouth. "Pika pi pika?" Hermione chose that moment to show up, and unlike the boys, she grabbed Draco around the waist and cooed, "OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOH you're so cute..." and she showered his little yellow head with kisses. "ARGH, PUT ME DOWN LADY. PIIIIIIIIIKAAAAAA!" he called for help. Crabbe and Goyle didn't recognize him, but they grabbed him away from Hermione and tried to pull his lightning-bolt tail. "CHUUUUUUUUUUUUUU!" he shouted. Crabbe and Goyle sizzled and fell on top of Ron. Some Ravenclaw girls thought he was a female Pikachu and tried to put bows in his fur. "CHUUUUUUUUUUUU" Ginny Weasley squeezed him so tight he thought he might choke. "CHUUUUUUUUUUUU" Marcus Flint stepped on him, thinking he was harmless... "CHUUUUUUUUUUUU"......and so on. 

Not wanting to show his face in Slytherin, Draco ran up to Gryffindor Tower, much as he hated to. The instant he followed Neville Longbottom inside, Hermione snatched him up and, this time before he could protest, she started rocking him back and forth and scratching his ears. "Purr..." he curled up and fell asleep in her arms. 


	2. Harry?!

The next day at breakfast, Draco sat *under* the table, catching scraps now and then. Of course he ate all the apples. And right when the bell rang (do they have bells at Hogwarts? I'm a rambling idiot, so if they don't, don't flame, pleze), HErmione scooped him up in her arms and started scratching him again. "Purr..." Ginny Weasley snatched him up and kissed him--yuck!--on the lips. "Hey! WEEEEEASLEY! Pika pika! Help! Potter! Hermione! Anybodyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy!" Ginny tucked Draco/Pikachu into her robes and walked off to class. 

Draco had a *brilliant* idea that night. He snuck up the stairs to da girls' dormitory and curled up next to Hermione. She giggled in her sleep and hugged him. Taking advantage of her luvvy-duvvy mood, he curled himself up tighter and wondered if Lucius MAlfoy met Andromeda Malfoy like this. HEhehe...what would Hermione look ilke kissing him? Hehehe...he chickened out; Hermione woke up in the morning with a Pikachu nose smushed up against her. "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH" 

Draco rubbed his wittle Pika-butt, which Hermione had kicked out of her bed earlier. He enjoyed lounging around Gryffindor Tower. But what would happen if he couldn't become human agaiN? Would he have to go to some dweeby Muggle's GAme Boy and be a Pikachu in Pokemon Yellow? Was he crazy or something? Shaking his head to clear it of thoughts, Draco padded up the boys' dormitory stairs and picked up Ron's diary. 

Dear Diary, That Malfoy's driving me crazy, even as a Pikachu. I wish he wouldn't snuggle up with Hermione so much. I saw him trying to kiss her! The nerve! He's a furry little Pikachu, and he tried to kiss her! GRRRRRR! I'm gonna kick his Pika-butt. Sincerely, Ron the Pika-butt-I-love-hyphens-kicker 

He gritted his teeth, opened the fat ladys portrait and waited patiently for Ron to return in the evening. "CHUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU" said the little cute pika. "AUGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH" said the little cute Ron. 

Harry sat over a textbook, flicking through its pages and pausing every now and then to put another wet paper towel on Ron's head. Draco/Pikachu was on Ron's stomach, bouncing slightly. "Hmmm...'' said Harry, flicking some more pages. "The Anti-Pika charm...how does that sound, Malfoy?" Draco thought and facefaulted. "Stupid and mundane." Harry frowned, so he swiftly added, "but worth a try." "Fata Morgana!" yelled Harry, pointing his wand at Draco/Pikachu. This turned him into a Jigglypuff. "Puff jiggly jig. Thanks a lot, Potter." Right on cue, Hermione burst into the hospital wing and threw her arms around Draco/Jigglypuff. "OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOHHH you're so cute!" Draco tried to Thunderbolt her, but couldn't. "Sing, you idiot," said Harry. "Jiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiigggggguuuuhllleeeeeeeeeeepuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuffffffff,jiiggggggg, uuuuulllle, puuuuuuuuuuuuuufffff," and Hermione was asleep. "Hermione?" "HERMIONE?!" 'ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ" 

Draco was lying on the floor, staring at the ceiling, now a ridiculously cute Charmander. "Am I cursed or something?" he wailed to nobody in particular. Every Gryffindor in the House turned to him. There was a loud "YES" that erupted from one throat, followed by a cacophone of giggles. "BWAUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUGH" and the giggles turned into sizzles. (How come all the onamotopeia--darn, how d'you spell that--ends in 'les'?) "Charman char, I could get used to this. Mander," said Draco, curling up and turning into Pikachu with a pop. The next day, Harry-tachi were walking down a hallway--why are they ALWAYS doing that?--along with Draco/Vulpix. It was nighttime. I know, I said the next DAY, but I'm a lunatic. So it's night. And they were wakling down a hallway, with a Vulpix. Draco insisted that he be carried. Now, if you've ever held a fox whose ears and tail are made of fire, you might know why Ron was ticked. "I am stupid," he sang, "going on lazy," he glared at Draco, "I'm turning into you..." Hermione snatched Draco away and cuddled him. (see, there's the 'les' and the'led' again.) "Disgustingly cute, with eyes black as soot," POP! He turned into a sweet little pika. AGAIN. "I am a Pikachu." Harry stared at the three of them like they had pineapples growing out of their noses. "Your sudden fascination with '16 going on 17' is really scaring me," said HArry, as they trooped up some stairs and onto a tower. The moon was up and full. Draco/Pikachu stared at it and his ears twitched. "Pi...ka...chu..." his voice wavered. POOF KABOOM KAPOW SHAKALAKA, and a bunch of other onamotopeia, (sp?) and Draco fell on his hands and knees in front of Harry-tachi. He looked up at Harry, who felt his scar burning. He blinked hard and helped Draco to his feet. "Gee thanks," he managed to get out. Harry was staring pensively at the full moon. "Harry?" "Pika..." said HArry. "Harry, cut the jokes." Hermione punched his arm. He turned to her angrily, baring his fangs and bristling his fur. "CHUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU" 

A/N: Ok, I know this was dumb and retarded and pointless, but hey! I'm an amateur! Whaddya want? Besides, check out 'Freedom' for something better. I swear it's better. (It's a cliffhanger.) HEy! GIMME A PRIZE! YES! SHORT A/N! A/D: (Annoying Disclaimer) Pikachu, Jigglypuff, Charmander, and Vulpix all belong to Mr. Satoshi Tajiri and Nintendo. Draco & Lucius Malfoy, Harry, Ron, Hermione, Crabbe, Goyle, Ginny Weasley, and everyone else belong to Mrs. J.K. Rowling. Don't sue! I admitted it! 


End file.
